Adjustments

Why do we always have so many quasi-brilliant thoughts in the shower? I’m sure that I’m not the only one here who does that. I’ve often thought of getting one of those little shower notepads or white boards or whatever they are, because such thoughts are as fleeting as the water droplets on our skin. Here’s the thought that emerged from the shower last night.

After mentioning “adjustment disorder” yesterday, I realized, with the help of a little research on the Mayo Clinic website, that there’s a significant difference between “adjustment disorder” and just acclimating to adjustment. I am a person who takes a little more time than some to adjust to changes in my circumstances. Of course that feeds into depression (a lifelong, yet currently well managed, gig for me) and anxiety (like almost anyone alive has these days), but it doesn’t mean it’s a “disorder,” with all that word implies.

The fact that it takes me a bit longer than some to adjust to the idea of change, as well as the actual change, is not a thing for judgement. It’s a thing for awareness. At the lowest points of my life, when change has been thrust unwillingly upon me, I’ve always been able to step up. I go on autopilot, because I know what needs to happen and I know what I need to do. So I do what needs to be done. To move forward. To take care of my family. To manage things. This time, with a big and very positive move pending, I have a partner I can trust, and we’re doing this together, which makes everything feel gently different.

I’m pleased with this new awareness. It’s actually quite lovely. M and I can talk about issues as they arise, he understands and shares my feelings of this being a healthy adjustment period. We’re both looking forward to actually making the move. And it’s really okay to be a little nervous as we forge ahead, making new tracks in the snow.